SUN 12/05/04

ON TWO /COMMUNITIES & NEIGHBORHOODS /A helping hand in times of loss /Organization assists families with arranging and paying for lovedones' burials

By MIKE SNYDER
Staff

When Michele Lara started working in the funeral industry in the mid-1990s, she noticed that many families had difficulty paying for services and burials. And when she looked around for organizations to help these families, she couldn't find any.

So in August 1997, Lara founded the 3 "A" Bereavement Foundation, which provides counseling, financial aid and other services to families who need help burying their loved ones. Lara said she was surprised when her research turned up no other groups with the same mission.

"The Lord led me to this once I saw the need," Lara said.

When families contact Lara or her assistant, Barbara Mayfield, they are struggling with difficult decisions about service and burial arrangements while coping with the grief of losing a loved one. Some clients have postponed burials for weeks while they try to come up with the necessary money.

"By the time they get to us, they are desperate," Lara said.

She often accompanies family members to the initial conference with the funeral home staff.

Caught up in their emotions, relatives often choose the most expensive caskets or elaborate services, Lara said. She gently guides them toward more practical choices.

"We try to keep them in a cost range where we'll be able to help them or they can get assistance from a family member or a friend," Lara said. "We help them select the services where they will all feel good about it at the end."

The three "A"s in the group's name stand for assist, arrange and accompany.

Mary Scalise has turned twice to 3 "A" Bereavement for help - first when a co-worker's 6-year-old nephew drowned in 2001, and again last March when the biological mother of Scalise's former foster daughter died.

Scalise said she had heard about the bereavement organization from colleagues at Casa de Esperanza, a social service agency where she works.

The child who drowned, Cesar de Jesus Barrios, was visiting from Mexico with his family, who had no money for his funeral or burial, Scalise said.

Lara said 3 "A" Bereavement helped the child's family arrange the services and paid for them.

Scalise called on Lara again this year when she learned of the sudden death of Kelly Casteel.

Scalise had been a foster parent to Casteel's daughter, Kristyn, now 9, a few years earlier.

Kristyn was returned to her mother's care in 2000, Scalise said, and they enjoyed a strong relationship until Casteel's death from an aneurysm.

Court-appointed attorneys for Kristyn and her siblings wanted to have Casteel cremated, Scalise said, but she felt that a traditional burial was needed. So she asked Lara to help make the arrangements.

"I think it was very important to those kids, and it became important to Michele, that they have that closure," said Scalise, who has since adopted Kristyn.

Another client, Carmen Covington, said she was "kind of in shock" when she contacted 3 "A" Bereavement after her daughter's death. The body of Angela Sue Richers, 44, was found in a Houston motel room July 5. Police said it appeared she had been struck on the head and had numerous bruises.

Lara helped Covington fill out an application to a state fund that assists crime victims' families with funeral expenses. Although Covington says she believes her daughter was murdered, the death was ruled an accidental drug overdose, and Covington's application to the crime victims' fund was denied.

Covington and Lara are working on an appeal.

"They've been there for me whenever I was upset," Covington said of Lara and Mayfield. "I don't know what I would have done without them."

Many clients express gratitude for the organization's emotional support, including five hours of free grief counseling.

When its funds are low, Lara said, 3 "A" Bereavement is sometimes unable to provide financial help to families who ask for it. But it always provides help in arranging services.

As the organization's work has become better known, it has attracted funding from a variety of donors including foundations, churches and health care organizations.

"One of the basic needs is that a family is able to bury a loved one with respect," she said. "It's a very rewarding feeling to know that you've served a family."

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HELP FOR THE GRIEVING

From 1997 through 2003, the 3 "A" Bereavement Organization:

Assistance: Helped more than 1,100 families.

Expenses: Provided more than $117,000 to offset burial and funeral costs, and helped families receive more than $250,000 from state crime victims' fund and other agencies.

Support: Provided more than 200 hours of group and individual counseling.

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